5 Gentle Discipline Strategies For Elementary School Children

As children enter elementary school, their emotional control improves, but conflicts can still arise because their needs and priorities may differ from ours. This article covers 5 gentle discipline strategies for children aged 3-9 that focus on creating effective habits, responsibility, and strong decision-making skills that will support them throughout their lives.

#1 Establish Predictable Routines

Our daily life is filled with small, repetitive tasks that we may find boring, but are nevertheless important for our quality of life. Children may not be motivated to brush their teeth, get ready for school, or make their bed. The best way to minimize their resistance is to establish consistent and predictable routines that involve a series of steps that need to be performed in sequence.

You can empower your child to follow each step independently, by creating visual schedules or checklists. This is a win-win situation because it reduces the need for you to micromanage your child’s actions, while they gain independence and confidence in their abilities.

#2 Spend Quality Time Together

Many parents dedicate significant time and effort to caring for their children’s needs. However, children often see these activities as chores, not bonding experiences. To build a strong emotional connection, prioritize spending quality time together in enjoyable, collaborative activities. This could include going out as a family, walking in nature, and playing board games, or video games, depending on your family’s preferences.

It’s possible to transform your everyday chores into beautiful bonding experiences! Instead of cooking or cleaning on your own, while struggling to find a way to keep your children occupied, you can involve them in the process and use your time together to talk and have fun. Car rides are also great for connection: sing along to music, tell jokes, or chat about their day at school.

There are many hidden opportunities throughout your day to connect and strengthen your relationship. This not only benefits your child but can also improve your overall mood!

#3 Model Empathy and Respect (Always)

Children learn by example. When we see them choosing negative words or actions, it may be time for us to self-reflect and improve our own behavior. If we want to strengthen their positive qualities, it’s not enough to explain or lecture. We need to actively demonstrate our own ability to be empathetic and respectful in every situation. Especially in the most challenging ones.

#4 Guide Them to Take Responsibility for Their Actions

Many parents believe that forcing their children to apologize immediately for misbehavior will help them become more responsible. However, this pressure often leads to insincere apologies with no real desire to make amends.

When conflicts arise, children are often overwhelmed by strong emotions like anger, fear, or shame. This makes it difficult for them to process the situation rationally or understand our explanations.

To support them, the first step is always to acknowledge their emotions and the reasons behind them. Once your child has calmed down, they’ll be better equipped to understand their role in the situation.

This approach fosters a genuine desire to make amends and take ownership of their actions. In contrast, forcing apologies can backfire. Although they may apologize to appease you, under the surface they remain entrenched in their own perspective.

#5 Develop A Growth Mindset

When our children make mistakes, it’s easy to fall into judgment. We might think, “I can’t believe my child did this!”. But this approach isn’t helpful. Instead, you may ask yourself, “What skill does my child need to develop to solve this problem?” This shift in perspective lets go of shame and criticism and focuses on learning. Framing mistakes and challenges as opportunities for growth empowers your child to develop a problem-solving attitude and sets them up for future success.

Explain to your child that mistakes are a normal part of learning and focus on how they can improve. For example, if your child gets frustrated building a tower and knocks it over, you could say, “Everyone has difficulties sometimes. How can we strengthen your tower so it doesn’t fall next time?” By talking about a growth mindset and demonstrating this way of thinking in your own actions, you can help your child develop a resilient and successful approach to life.

My Personal Experience

My son has a hard time accepting my limits with screen time. He keeps ignoring my rules, especially when I am busy with something and I’m not present to enforce them. A few months ago, I added a password to his device. As you may imagine, this led to a strong emotional outburst. He left for his room, slamming the door behind him, and complaining about the unfairness of the situation.

Open Communication: I got angry, too. I took a deep breath to calm myself, and I offered to talk when he was ready. He returned later to explain that he was frustrated because he wanted more control over his activities. I acknowledged his feelings and then discussed the downsides of excessive screen time. We talked about his outburst and how it aligned (or didn’t align) with our family values. Feeling safe and connected, he admitted he could have handled things better and apologized.

Developing Solutions: We discussed respect, patience, and self-discipline. I explained that the password is a tool to help him respect boundaries, not punishment for his previous behavior. Finally, we brainstormed strategies for making better choices. He also re-negotiated my limits and I made some minor adjustments to address his preferences.

Self-Reflection: Looking back, I realize how I have contributed to this problem. Because I allow exceptions, I have created a situation where my son is tempted to be persistent (some might even say annoying!) to get what he wants. I decided to write down the rules and place them in a visible location. From now on, I’ll simply point to the chart instead of endlessly debating the same points. Stay tuned for updates on this strategy.

Key Takeaways.

By establishing clear expectations, and empowering children to take responsibility for their actions, you’ll guide them toward becoming independent, responsible individuals.
Establishing consistent routines minimizes resistance to mundane, repetitive tasks that children are not motivated to complete.
Positive communication and empathy will build a strong foundation of trust and respect that is essential for navigating the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead.

If you want to learn more about gentle discipline you can read the following articles:

8 Core Principles Of Gentle Discipline (And How It Works)

6 Powerful Ways To Encourage Your Kids To Cooperate.